The turkey asked to be excused from the table.
He said he had a prior engagement.
Exhibit № 1 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The Thanksgiving Wing
The table, the timing and the relatives. Second helpings of groan. 45 original exhibits — tap a setup for its punchline.
Why did the stuffing apply for a management role?
It has years of experience filling in.
Exhibit № 2 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My uncle brings the same casserole every year.
We have learned to be thankful in advance.
Exhibit № 3 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The cranberry sauce refused to leave the tin.
It held its shape and its ground.
Exhibit № 4 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why was the gravy invited to every conversation?
It smooths things over.
Exhibit № 5 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our family started the meal with a moment of silence.
Then my brother mentioned politics.
Exhibit № 6 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The pumpkin pie went to therapy.
It had a lot of filling to unpack.
Exhibit № 7 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the potato bring a whisk to dinner?
It wanted to be mashed on its own terms.
Exhibit № 8 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My father carved the turkey with a power tool.
The results were dramatic and legally questionable.
Exhibit № 9 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The green beans arrived undercooked again.
They are still working on their crunch time.
Exhibit № 10 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the wishbone go to the gym?
It wanted a better shot at winning.
Exhibit № 11 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our table seats eight and we invited fourteen.
The children are calling it the standing tradition.
Exhibit № 12 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The leftovers negotiated a three-day contract.
They were still working on day nine.
Exhibit № 13 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the corn bring a notebook?
It wanted to take down the minutes, kernel by kernel.
Exhibit № 14 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My aunt asked what the secret ingredient was.
The chef said it was simply not telling her.
Exhibit № 15 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The parade balloon called in sick.
It said it just did not feel very inflated.
Exhibit № 16 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the roll get a promotion?
It rose fastest under pressure.
Exhibit № 17 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our dog waited under the table for four hours.
He describes it as the most productive day of his year.
Exhibit № 18 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The turkey timer never went off.
It said nobody had ever asked how it felt.
Exhibit № 19 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the sweet potato bring marshmallows?
It refuses to attend anything without a plus one.
Exhibit № 20 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My cousin claims he does not eat before the meal.
The empty crisp bowl disagrees.
Exhibit № 21 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The kitchen ran out of counter space by ten in the morning.
We now serve the salad from the ironing board.
Exhibit № 22 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why was the pie crust so nervous?
It could feel everything resting on it.
Exhibit № 23 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our football game ended in an argument about the rules.
Nobody could remember agreeing to any.
Exhibit № 24 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The napkins were folded into swans this year.
They lasted eleven seconds.
Exhibit № 25 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the celery come to dinner?
Somebody has to hold the dip.
Exhibit № 26 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My grandmother's recipe card says a pinch of salt.
Her pinch is a documented public safety matter.
Exhibit № 27 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The oven and the timer had a falling out.
Neither is speaking to the turkey.
Exhibit № 28 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the gravy boat need a captain?
Somebody has to steer it round the table.
Exhibit № 29 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our host asked everyone to say what they were grateful for.
My nephew said the wifi password.
Exhibit № 30 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The turkey went into the oven at six in the morning.
By noon it had more supervision than most projects at my office.
Exhibit № 31 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the pumpkin spice arrive in August?
It likes to beat the traffic.
Exhibit № 32 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My brother volunteered to bring ice.
He considers this a full contribution.
Exhibit № 33 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The seating plan took longer than the cooking.
Diplomacy is slower than roasting.
Exhibit № 34 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the carrots stay quiet all dinner?
They had been thoroughly glazed over.
Exhibit № 35 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our tablecloth has a stain from 2019.
We now decorate around it out of respect.
Exhibit № 36 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The stuffing and the potatoes have a border dispute.
It is resolved annually by the gravy.
Exhibit № 37 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the apple pie feel overlooked?
The pumpkin gets all the press.
Exhibit № 38 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My father-in-law tests the turkey by looking at it sternly.
It has never once failed.
Exhibit № 39 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The kids' table has better conversation.
This has been true for about fifteen years now.
Exhibit № 40 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the butter sit out all morning?
It wanted to be approachable.
Exhibit № 41 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Our smoke alarm has become part of the tradition.
It goes off precisely when the rolls are ready.
Exhibit № 42 · The Thanksgiving Wing
The dishwasher was loaded by four different people.
It is now a monument to disagreement.
Exhibit № 43 · The Thanksgiving Wing
Why did the turkey refuse dessert?
He said he was already stuffed.
Exhibit № 44 · The Thanksgiving Wing
My mother says she is not tired.
She has said this while asleep in the armchair since 1998.
Exhibit № 45 · The Thanksgiving Wing
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